can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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