I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
