i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
