I could make wine with my vomit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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