Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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