I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
