remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
