How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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