Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
