doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
