He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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