My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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