Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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