he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
