Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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