You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
