I want to stick my p in your. b.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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