sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
