Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
