im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
