first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
