I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
