Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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