my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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