Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
where are you?
Hypothermia
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
