Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
