I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
