he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
