he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
