Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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