I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
