I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
