found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
