My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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