I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
