Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
