Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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