I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
