That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
