absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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