let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
