We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
