How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
