im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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