oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
