I'm passing your future prison.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
