im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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