I wish I could teleport
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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