sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
