fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You are a genius and a whore.
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