i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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