I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
