i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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