i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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